A Good Husband - A story I cannot take credit for writing, but ENTERTAINING!

I recently rec'd this via email.  Many have already seen it, but I thought it was funny enough to post!  ENJOY!  I hope you think it's as laugh out loud funny as I do! 

A GOOD HUSBAND, by unknown, distributed by email

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.  Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.  As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he had done something wrong. 

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and next to them, a single red rose. Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.  He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.

 Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

 "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

 Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

 His son replies, "Oh, THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom last night, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed: 'Leave me alone b*&@h, I'm married!!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS

The newlyweds (just for a laugh, came from an email forward)

Again, a story from a spam email that made me crack up laughing.  Hope you get a giggle too!


The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, 'Honey I'm going to
Hank's Tavern to have a beer, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. 'I'm going to have a beer...'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'  She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... But at the bar.... You know...they have frozen glasses...... '

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?'  She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvre's that are really delicious... I won't be long.. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

'You want hors d'oeuvre's, Poochie Pooh?'  She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvre's: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?  LISTEN UP, CHICKEN S4%T!  SIT YOUR SORRY A%$ DOWN, SHUT THE H*%$ UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRE'S RIGHT HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE FREAKIN' MARRIED NOW AND YOUR SORRY A%$ IS SOO NOT GOING TO A D#%NED BAR!  THAT S&*T IS OVER!  GOT IT, DUMB%&S?'

And they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story?

MARRIED LIFE .............. MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP!!!